Oh man, what a week this has been. I have been without a computer for a week. So here's what happened: Monday afternoon I was online, and my computer monitor started to wiggle. Finally, the monitor shut off, and smoke started billowing from the vents. I quickly shut off the monitor, and took it outside.

We decided to steal borrow John's mom's monitor until we could afford to buy our own monitor (her computer is basically a paper weight). I was able to use the computer in "safe mode" for a couple of days, when it finally crapped out completely. John thought he could fix it with a new video card, but the problem seems to be a little more complex then that; we're hoping to have our computer back in a couple of weeks. Until then, we have now hijacked John's mom's CPU as well.

Before moving onto Thanksgiving I have to tell you about John's first (and last) "black Friday" experience: After our computer died, John was looking at all of the great deals on laptops and desktop computers. Unfortunately, all of these great deals were only available the day after Thanksgiving. He decided that he would go to Office Depot super early Friday morning, and wait in line so that he could get a super cheap, super fantastic laptop at a super awesome price.

He woke up at 3:30 a.m. Friday morning, and met a line of about 20 people (some of these people camped out the night before...we saw 'em). At 5:30 a.m. some employees of Office Depot came out to hand out coupons for all of the super great deals. You needed one of these coupons or you were assed out. Long story short, they ran out of coupons for the laptop that John wanted, he basically waited in line at 3:30 a.m. for nothing. I think it still hurts him to think about it...haha (there are more details to this story, but to save time, I paraphrased...sorry hunny).

Okay, now onto Thanksgiving: I forgot how much traffic SUCKS on Thanksgiving day. I seriously think that everyone and their friggin' mother decided that they wanted to go to Fairfield! Lucky for us, we now have GPS and were able to forgo the freeways...woo hoo!

We left our house at 10:30 a.m. and made it to our destination at 1:00 p.m. It typically takes about an hour to get to Fairfield, so our journey was extended another hour and half.

We decided to make Thanksgiving easy this year, and ordered everything from the local grocery store. It seemed like too great of a task to recreate the fantastic feast that my Grandpa used to prepare.

The food was fantastic, it just wasn't Thanksgiving...if that makes sense. I told everyone that I would be up to the challenge of making the meal next year, if everyone was up to it.

We all had a great time, and it was fun to be with everyone.

Friday morning was suppose to be my Grandpa's internment. Unfortunately I came down with a sudden case of the stomach flu (or perhaps food poisening) and was sick all night Thursday, and into Friday morning, so I didn't make it to the ceremony. I was told that it was really beautiful, and my Dad has promised to take me to his grave site the next time we're in Fairfield.

Saturday we went and cut down our Christmas tree, and spent the rest of the day decorating it.

Whew, what a busy weekend. Manny is spending the night at his Lola's house tonight, and we'll be picking him up tomorrow before gym. I'll only have one child to look after, so hopefully I can relax a bit.

I hope everyone had a fantabulous Thanksgiving! Pictures soon to come :)

I normally look forward to Thanksgiving. I love getting together with family, but this year is going to be difficult. I know we'll all try to put smiles on our faces so that Grandma has an easier time, but it's going to be hard.

Oh god, and then Christmas! This holiday season is going to suck. I totally blame you, Grandpa =P

My Grandpa's funeral service was this past Friday. It was beautiful. I was in complete denial about this whole ordeal. Intellectually I knew that my Grandpa wasn't with us anymore, but I refused to "believe" it. Friday night I finally allowed myself to say that words, "my Grandpa is dead". It sounds totally harsh, but I needed to say it so that I could start to finally grieve. I cried for the first time since Sunday (when he passed).

Christian turned 8 months yesterday. He is a crawling machine. He can pull himself up onto the furniture, and is starting to walk along our couches. Any takers on when they think he'll start walking?

I'm going to start him on small chew-able foods soon. He loves chomping on puffs, and lately has hated eating his pureed baby food, so I think it's time to move on.

It's so difficult to have Christian reach these milestones. I know how much my Grandpa loved watching my kids grow, and every time Christian does something new I think about how excited my Grandpa would be to see these things.

**sigh**

Two Friday's ago my Grandpa was admitted to the ICMU. He's been having problems all year: infections, allergic reactions, and a car accident.

It turns out that over the last 5 years his body was succumbing to a medication that he was taking that was conflicting with all of the other medications that he had been prescribed.

This specific medication (when combined with all of the other meds) caused his platelet count to drop, which, in turn, shredded his immune system. It also caused him to get horrible mouth ulcers, which made it impossible for him to eat. These ulcers eventually spread to cover his entire GI tract.

John and I went to visit him as soon as he was admitted to the ICMU. He looked tired, and was a bit loopy from all of the morphine, but he looked good for someone who was stuck in a hospital. When I visited him last Monday he was off of the morphine, and was able to drink an entire cup of water (something that he had not been able to do in a while). I completely and totally thought he was on the mend.

There were subtle hints that my Grandpa gave me that led me to believe that he didn't think he would make it through this, but I put those hints on the back burner. My Grandpa has been through hell and back (heart surgery, had a colostomy bag for a time, diverticulitis, the list goes on...) , and he has pulled through all of them, I had no doubt that he would/could make it through this. If we could increase his platelets, keep his blood pressure stable, and make sure that he didn't catch an infection, we were golden.

Throughout the week I got updates from my family. There was never any stunning revelation, but there wasn't anything completely horrible either. I was confident that things would get better soon.

John, the kids and I went to visit him on Sunday, and it looked as if my world was going to crash to the ground. My Grandpa's blood pressure was dangerously low, and it looked like he got an infection (the one thing we had been trying to avoid all week).

Because his blood pressure was so low, he could not receive any pain medication, and because he could not receive any pain medication he was in constant, excruciating pain. He had not slept in several days. He was starting to become delirious.

I reluctantly went in to see him in his room. I wanted desperately to be able to visit with him, but at the same time I did NOT want my last memories with my Grandpa to be doleful.

As I walked to his room I could feel my heartbeat start to thump loudly in my chest. My mom blocked my immediate view of him, so I had a couple of seconds to collect myself. I put on my gloves, and entered the room. My mom moved so that I could speak to him, and when I finally saw him I was horrified.

The man laying in the bed was not my Grandpa, he was the shell of the man that I used to know. It looked as if he had lost more weight since the last time I saw him. He was curled into the fetal position, scrunched up on one side of the bed.

My mom announced my arrival to him. He forced his eyes open, and looked at my face - I did not see my Grandfather in his eyes. I rubbed his head - it was the only thing that soothed him - for a couple of minutes, but could not stay any longer. I told my Grandfather that I loved him, and left the hospital room. Intellectually I knew that this would be the last time that I would see him.

John and I left the hospital, and went to my Grandparents house for a couple of hours. We had planned to stay the night, but I decided at the last moment that I wanted to sleep in my own bed. We left around 7:00 p.m. and got home a little after 8:00 p.m.

At 10:00 p.m. my phone rang, and I knew when I saw who was calling - my mother - that it was going to be bad news. I couldn't hear the news directly, so I made John answer the phone. When my fears were realized, my legs buckled underneath me, and I started weeping.

I was given the specifics about how my Grandpa passed yesterday: Late Sunday evening, my Grandma, my Aunts and my mother were told by my Grandpa's doctors that he would not make it through the night. It was at that moment that my family decided that they wanted the last couple of hours that my Grandpa had on this earth to be pain free. In consultation with his doctors, my family decided to give my Grandpa a low dose of morphine. The moment his body drew in the morphine, he closed his eyes, and went to sleep. He was finally at peace, no longer in pain, and this is how my Grandpa went to heaven.

The last couple of days have been a blur. I still can't believe he's gone. My Grandpa's service will be Friday, and I'm not looking forward to it. I've been able to keep my emotions in check. I have been able to reflect, and remember the good times. I have also been able to deny the fact that Grandpa is no longer with us. The service on Friday will make it "final".

I've been trying my hardest to block the final memory that I have of my Grandpa. Whenever I think of him, I immediately get a flash of him in that hospital bed, something that I desperately wanted to avoid. I suppose I have to learn to accept the fact that this memory will be with me forever, but I will not do so willingly.

For those concerned, I am doing okay. I am still processing everything, and as I have stated before, I don't think the full brunt of what has happened will hit me until Friday (the day of the funeral). I am more concerned about how my Grandma will handle things when she no longer has funeral arrangements to fill her day.

I really don't know what else to say, except to say that my Grandfather was/is a great, and wonderful man. He made friends easily, and was an amazing friend to everyone he knew. He will be deeply, missed.

My house has turned into a daycare.

Early this morning I brought up two toys that we bought for Manny when he started to crawl, and pull himself up onto furniture. They are big pieces, but because we have no living room furniture, they will fit.

I cleaned the dust off them and sanitized them, and let the boys (yes, Manny wanted to play with them too) have at 'em. I took a step back and looked at my living room, and with a bit of sadness realized that my living space has turned into a daycare (not that daycares are bad, but when you don't run one, it's a bit funny to have your home look like one). Nearly every bit of perimeter of my living room has a toy occupying its space.

(Don't mind the laundry...)


While staring at my boys, and their toys, I was reminded about my life when John and I first met. Replace the numerous toys with people (plus 10), and that's what our house looked like.

We lived weekend to weekend. Each paycheck went to fund the party that we would attend on Saturday. We had the nastiest furniture, our kitchen cupboards were baron, and turntables were neatly tucked away in the corner of our living room.

It feels like a century ago that that was my life. Whooda thunk that six years later I'd be happily married with two beautiful/gorgeous/adorable little boys.

John and I finally purchased a camcorder this weekend. It isn't super fancy, just something to catch funny moments that we see on a day to day basis. Our kids are friggin' HILARIOUS, and we want to be able to share these hilarities with our family and friends.

This first video is of Christian. Christian has a certain obsession with our cat Purdee. Luckily, Purdee is extremely patient.



In this video, Manny is sharing his "candy" with John and I, John suggests that he shares the "candy" with Christian, and you'll see what happens when Christian reaches for the "candy".



Christian is a very talkative child. He babbles to himself constantly. He has gotten into the habit if "yelling". When he yells, Manny feels the need to reciprocate and starts yelling too.






Baby Food Diaries
I have been making Christian's baby food this time around. So far he enjoys most anything (minus peas). This past week I made carrots/parsnips, sweet potato/grapes, butternut squash/pumpkin, and I will be making apples/blueberries in the next day or so.

I have also introduced plain yogurt, and will be making lentils. I'll let you know how those go over when he tastes them.

In the last couple of days, Christian has started crawling with his tummy off of the floor (versus the army crawl), he is also pulling himself up onto our furniture, and has ventured taking a couple of steps here and there. He still lacks the coordination, but you gotta give him an "A" for effort.

Christian has also learned how to push himself up from crawling to sitting. I swear this kid will be walking before he turns a year old....scary.

Last night was Halloween, and the boys (well, Manny anyway, I don't think Christian cared so much) had so much fun.

Christian was "Captain Adorable". A couple of months ago, I found this super cute onesie that said, "Captain Adorable" on it. When Halloween started rolling around, I had no idea what Christian would be, John had the brilliant idea to turn that onesie into a costume.

Yesterday, before "trick-or-treating", I went to Michael's Crafts, and bought a cheap orange shirt, which I would turn into a cape, and some red felt, which I would turn into a mask. I think his "costume" cost me about $10 all together.

Manny was Buzz Lightyear. We were lucky enough to get a costume from a family friend, and we bought him an inflatable jet pack, which was $12. Over all, Halloween was very cheap this year ;)

We went "trick-or-treating" with the Penas family this year. We've been celebrating Halloween with them for the past 2 years, and it's amazing to watch the boys grow up together.

The first year we went, Manny was only 8 months old. He didn't even "trick-or-treat" per se, we just walked around with Austin and Edgar, and enjoyed the decorations. Manny was dressed as a lion.

Last year was the first year that Manny actually (sorta) grasped Halloween. He understood that if he knocked on the door, said "twick-o-tweat", strangers would give him something. He loved walking around with the older boys, and loved running up and down the street, but other than that, I don't really think he understood what was going on; he was dressed up as a golfer.

This year, was very exciting. Once all of the Halloween "stuff" started coming out, we bought him some Halloween books, and took him to the "scary" (what he called it) section of the stores, so that he could see what Halloween was all about. This was the first year that he truly "got it".

It was so much fun to go "trick-or-treating" with him. I started to get nostalgic about the years prior. I started thinking that next year Christian would be walking along side Austin, Edgar, and Manny.

Now that Halloween has passed, the rest of the year is going to fly by. I can't wait until Thanksgiving, and then Christmas - it is definitely going to be FUN!